“What you allow is what will continue…” Unknown
I love a good advice-giving meme as much as the next person and have been known to share the ones I think are worth sharing but when they start to contradict each other it’s hard to know which piece of advice to follow. One the one hand, you have the memes telling you that you should stop feuding, be the bigger person, and kiss & make up with the person you’ve been feuding with. Flip the coin and you have the memes telling you to “cut the toxic out of your life”. What do you do if the toxic in your life is caused by the same person you’re feuding with? Worse yet, what if that person CAN’T be cut from your life? It could be a family member, a coworker, your boss, or someone else in your life whose presence drains the life out of you but, because of the dynamic involved in your relationship with this person, they can’t just be cut from your life without consequence. What do you do?
In all likelihood the behavior of the person causing you grief is never going to change unless they want it to. For whatever reason, this person has decided you’re a good target for their special brand of nasty. The first thing to remember is nothing you do or say is going to make it go away-only the person spreading the ugly can do that. Realizing this is the first step in dealing with the behavior and not letting it negatively affect you. Always remind yourself-you have full control over how you react to others in your space. I’m not saying it will be easy (trust me-it’s NOT!!), but it can be done. In days past I have been known to walk around like Eeyore with a cloud over my head because of something someone said to me. They go along with their day merrily ever after while I’m stuck stewing in misery because of nothing more than a few ugly words. It’s taken a whole lot of soul searching to realize the motivation these people have is to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad. If you feel bad, their mission is accomplished. Don’t give them that power! Mean for the sake of mean is a very revealing personality trait and once you recognize it for what it is it’ll never have the same effect on you again. The crazy thing is, once you change your reaction and the bully isn’t getting their desired result, the bullying will most likely stop. If it doesn’t you can at least be safe in the knowledge that you truly have been the bigger person and your reward for that is your own peace of mind.
Be well and God Bless-until we meet again…